I'm killing myself like a fucking rockstar, I'm going out like Jesus Christ. I'm going to avoid you at all cost, You'll never know what you lost. I'm afraid to admit all of my mistakes, I can't help but feel like I'm a stake. Through the chest of everyone, who ever loved me best. I'm sorry if you invested at all... I'm a certain kind of narcissistic, one that covers themselves in compassion. I always feel like I'm being watched, like I'm being judged, by every fucking one. I hate you all, I hate you all, I hate you all I just wish that we could evolve. Maybe everything, maybe everything is exactly where it's meant to be. I just can't keep justifying bigotry. God is a dick and so are you.

Would it hurt you more if I said... I wanted to kiss you on the face, but I was afraid you wouldn't like the taste of, Self deprecation mixed with coffee, and jameson. At a house show full of our furthest friends drunken ties shrivel up our straight edge lives. We cross the line it makes me sigh to sing hack high schooler lies! Does it hurt you more if I say... I wanted you to kill me right where I'm standin because I'm feelin like, I'm making a total scene out of myself just to gain attention to the fact that I'm lacking the eyes to satisfy my selfish ties, in a contest to see if I can remain alone for my whole life. BUT... Your grin in a denim jacket made me feel warm for one whole second. I'm begging just to be seen, as the bad thing I'm always trying to be. Just kick me out... so I can leave.

I haven't felt pride in anything I just wish I could achieve the very goals that are crushing me. I find myself grinding my teeth. the blood tells me to breathe I am my worst routines. -Isn't this everything you wanted me to be? A ball of self destructive tendencies. I get it, I get it, I'm in the past Something that you rather Just forget. I feel it, I feel, I'm making things too weird. But being alone has always been my fear.- I haven't felt well about anything constantly in flee or sink, I tend to over think. dress me up in your finest emo chic. I mask myself so I can be set free. I'll wear the crown, prince of darkness D.I.E. fuck everyone who ain't as scene as me. - -

I'm afraid to leave this place, It's all I've ever known it blankets me with pose and grace. I think I'm truly great, In moments I'm alone and no one can see my face. But as soon as i step outside I see how gross I truly am. insecurities build up inside and shake me to my hands. Loneliness it's never ending. Holy shit, why can't I be happy? when stepping outside, feels like a step too far. and all I've ever wanted is to not feel akward. I was a kid once and I think it was pretty good. the past is always look at more fondly than it probably should. It's better to live in nostalgia than in regret I'll be fine trying not to fret to hell with this place I'll find happiness in another space I'll find a reason to be okay, until I break down, ghost you and everyone else. Finding reasons to feel sorry for myself. I'll be the greatest corpse. I'll be the greatest corpse around. It's me vs. myself and I'm losing this round... when all I want is to not feel awkward.

We don't talk anymore, it's getting harder to ignore. you were such a big piece of me. We don't try anymore I think it's horrible, I really thought you'd be proud of me. and who I've become. Hey ditty, DITTY I think I'm in love with you. I mess hanging out and all the things we'd say, and do. Hey, ditty DITTY, I miss being edgy with you. I miss all the fucked up stupid bullshit that we'd laugh at. I hope I can get it back. I think it's such a shame. I've known you since primary. I hope you know I'm really happy that you got married. I wish I could have been there. I fucked up, I'm sorry. But I think that we can overcome all the stupid shit I've sad and done. Hey ditty, DITTY I think I'm in love with you. I mess hanging out and all the things we'd say, and do. Hey, ditty DITTY, I miss being edgy with you. I miss all the fucked up stupid bullshit that we'd laugh at. I hope I can get it back.

I'm clean shavin, body sprayin, Hiding the stench of pot in a parking lot. Day drinkin mistaken Keeping secrets subconsciously... I am not. It's that hospital, waiting room blues, that's got me whining and pinning for you... The door close, bottle pours, acting sober in a crowded room. Empty apartment, five minute. jerk off sessions because I feel I have. It's that hospital, waiting room blues, that's got me whining and pinning for you... There's a message, on the inside of my eyelids, left over from when I was a kid... and it says... When you grow up, when you grow up, stop acting like such a fucking stupid fucking little fucking kid...

I'm fucking up! I'm fucking out! and I want to stand up and shout. That I never wanted to come here in the first place. and now that I'm here, now that I'm here, I'll speak with such disdain, that everyone, will be annoyed with me. and the way I just can't play along... I'm dead and rotting, all my hair and teeth are falling. I haven't really maintained any of my compsure. as I suffer for the sake of suffering. I'm a hater for the love of hating. I'm not a strong person and I'm drowning. In a sea of apathy, and I don't think that I wanna find the shore. Now I don't know exactly what I was saying. neither arrogant or sorry. Just always steadily declining. BUT ISN'T EVERYTHING. I want to rage I want to break, the mold that makes up my body. I wanna be put together stronger than before. Let me go let me find my own shore. I'm breaking down my sense of self. I'm building up I need your help.

I wanna see you, behind the radiator. I wanna here you sing... "In heaven you can't breathe! The air is too thin, it just puts you to sleep" I wanna bury you, under the boiler, I want it to burn, like a kiss from a former lover. Sometimes I feel like you don't want me around, so I shut down, til I can't hear, no I can't hear a sound. I'm growing queezy about thinking about not being around. I'm freaking out about you not being around! I'm flirting with long walks to the bottom of a cliff. I'm a bot constantly deconstructing emotions as I push the button, to set them off. Oh I am my own goddamn GOD. I am my own fucking God.

You gotta fucking do your shit, you gotta fucking do your shit. You gotta fucking do it, if you wanna prove it, that you're worth them giving a... You gotta fucking do your shit you gotta fucking do your shit. You gotta fucking do it, if you wanna prove it, That you're worth their attention. Putting it off... so I can sleep, sound like a dream... sounds like a dream. You gotta fucking do your shit, you gotta fucking do your shit. You gotta fucking do it, if you wanna prove it, that you're worth them giving a... I'm fucking annoyed today. I don't know what to say. But I woke up feeling mean, god I hate this fucking feeling! Putting it off... so I can sleep, sound like a dream... sounds like a dream. Putting it off... so I can sleep, sound like a dream... sounds like a dream. Putting it off... so I can sleep, sound like a dream... sounds like a dream. Putting it off... so I can sleep, sound like a dream... sounds like a dream. 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You gotta fucking do your shit you gotta fucking do your shit. You gotta fucking do it, if you wanna prove it, That you're worth their attention.